May 11, 2017

13 Reasons Why.

trigger warning: suicide, rape and bullying. 

I loved the show. I know a lot of people didn't and I can understand why, but in my opinion this was a super important topic and I really liked the way the show dealt with it. I get that it's extremely graphic, but it's also extremely true. I think a lot of people didn't like it exactly because of that. The truth hurts, it makes us uncomfortable, but making people feel uncomfortable is the only way to get things to change. Comfortable people don't feel the need to change anything, because they are comfortable with the status quo.

I wanted to start this post by saying that I was never suicidal and I never knew anyone that committed suicide. I don't know if anyone that I personally interact on a daily basis is thinking about it, but that's the whole reason why this show and this post that I'm writing right now is important. Having said that, I don't know why people consider suicide, I can only imagine. But, I'm trying really hard to understand this. I'm trying to think about it from a different perspective, and I think that if other people did that too we could be saving a lot of lives.   

I think the reason why I liked the show so much is because it changed my perspective. I used to think suicide was a choice and that the fault was entirely of the person who did it. 13 Reasons Why made me realize that it isn't. You can't bully someone, make them feel like they are all alone in the world and say that they choose to die. I think you can't blame it all on the bullies either, but I don't think you should blame it all on the victim alone. Blaming the victim in this case, just like in many shitty situations in life, is the easy way out. They are not there anymore, so they can't really explain to you why they did.  In life, things are hardly ever black or white. And I think that when it comes to suicide, life is on it's deepest shade of grey.

Since I don't have another example to talk about, I would like to talk about the show as an example. The way I see it, in the show everyone was responsible for what happened. You can't make someone open up to you, but you can try harder if they don't want to. The school system, her "friends", her parents, the bullies and Hannah herself are all to blame for this situation. Every action you make has consequences, when someone kills themselves they're not just ending their lives, they're messing with the lives of all the people they knew. 

People commit suicide for various reasons, reasons no one knows about, but feeling alone and misunderstood must be something the majority of them have in common. Looking back on the show, the main character Hannah didn't commit suicide because of one thing. People kept bringing her down and she was constantly getting up, brushing it off and moving on with her life. Until, couldn't anymore. I like to see myself as a strong woman, but I think we all have our limits. It took 13 events for her to commit suicide, you can't say she was weak or that she was looking for a way out. She tried and she kept trying, until all of her strength was gone and she couldn't fight anymore.

Again, it took Hannah 13 events to commit suicide, how many would it take some else? 54? 29? 5? ONE? My point with this is that you don't know what everyone else is going through, not even your best friend or your parents. You can't know because you're not inside their minds. Nobody tells you everything. That being said, you can't completely blame yourself when something like that happens to someone close to you. Closure and a list of reasons why someone thinks ending their lives is the way to go is hardly ever found in real life. You can't expect someone to do something, if they have no idea what's going on. One thing my mom always told me as I was growing up is that she couldn't help me if she didn't know what was going on. Things are hardly ever what they seem, so if you need help you need to ask for it.   

People can't read minds, but they CAN not bully someone, they CAN ask what's going on when someone looks sad or is crying, they CAN always try to make the right thing. Negligence and turning a blind eye sometimes is just as bad as actually doing something. We need to start caring more about people. I think my generation sometimes glorifies the fact of not caring or "not giving a fuck" (which is some situations is necessary, I agree), but we should start doing that -specially in a time when a lot the suicide rates are skyrocketing.   

I also believed in the cliche of ''suicide is not an answer'', but not anymore. If so many people do it, than it's clearly seen as an answer to them and that needs to change. I think this cliche should be changed to ''suicide is not the best answer'' because it clearly isn't. I know I come from the privileged position of having a great support system, but I strongly believe that there is always a way and that the best is yet to come. Killing yourself is not the best way to deal with anything. 

Bringing it back to the show, I'm only really familiar with teen suicide because it's all over the media nowadays. Teens and kids live most of their lives in school. In some countries, the school you go to is tied to where your parents live, making it really hard to even change schools if things get to rough. So, we clearly be talking about the school system when talking about teen suicide. When I was applying for colleges and having to get my grades up, I had school from Monday to Saturday and had little time on the weekends to keep up with friends that didn't go to the same school as me. I went to school 6 days a weeks and spent most of time there, it's easy to see how someone might think there's no way out if things are rough at school. 

I want to start a discussions with this post and I'm going for an adult-mature type of discussion.  This post was really hard for me to write. I hope this helped you see things differently. If you haven't watched the show or read the book, I would highly recommend that you do it. Just keep in mind that it deals directly with suicide, rape and bullying. I wrote this post because I think this is something everyone should be talking about. We should care about people and what they're going through. Suicide is not something to be talked about only with people that are considering it, it should be constantly talked about in a group or a community setting because we can all do something to help and also because if a person is already considering, it could be too late to change their mind. I want to end this by saying that, if you think nobody cares just know that I do. And if you're feeling lonely or you want to talk about a bad day or something, leave a comment or an email, I'll gladly chat with you! 

What do you think about it?
Any thoughts?  

Let's hang some more!

Thanks so much for reading and I'll talk to you soon! 


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