October 7, 2017

Life Update // Unemployment + People Finding Out About The Blog.

What's up, everyone?!

I hate being a negative Nancy, but I've been having an extremely hard couple of days. And, to top it all of, I had a pretty heated argument with my dad this morning. I've been pushing off talking about personal stuff because I don't feel like I'm in a very good place in my life at the moment and sometimes talking about it doesn't help. It makes me sad, discouraged and it brings up a lot of emotions. But, life is not always rainbows and butterflies and I'm sure some of you might be going through something similar (or even worst) and sometime it helps to know that your not alone.

You guys know that I'm currently unemployed. I was stressed, unhappy and discouraged, so I talked to my parents and they both agreed that the best situation for me would be to quit my job and start looking for something different. Maybe try applying for a masters program, send out some resumes, just do something different. They said I'm young and now would be the time to try something different. So, that what I did. I quit my job. I sent out thousands of resumes online and in person. I started looking for masters programs all over the world. But, these things take time... I knew it and I was ok with it, but apparently my parents weren't.

I love my parents, I know that all of their concern for me comes from a place of love, but it's very discouraging when not even your parents believe in you. My mom is a planner. Every trip we've ever taken together was planned to the last second, when and where we would eat, where we would shop, she would even write down places that had bathrooms. So, after about a month of me being unemployed, she started buying newspapers, circling job openings and giving them to me, which is not a bad thing. But, things didn't stop there. She would call everyday asking which jobs I had applied to that day, if I had heard anything back, if I had been called for an interview. You see how that starts to freak a person out, right?!

I was scared, I struggle a lot with anxiety and my own mom constantly feeding my worst fear of never finding a job and becoming homeless wasn't making anything better. It wouldn't make find a job faster and it would only make me more upset and discouraged. So, I politely asked her to stop. I talked to her, me and my mom have a very good relationship, so she said she understood and the newspapers with jobs circled stopped coming - FOR A WEEK. 

The cycle started out again, I was crying almost every night and I had no idea how to deal with the situation. So, I asked her to stop again and then my dad got involved. Mind you, I only quit my job because my parents backed me up. If they had told me to stay put, I would have stayed put. Maybe it wouldn't be the best decision, but I value their opinions and sometimes I trust their judgment more then my own sometimes.

So, long story short. Me and my dad had a huge fight. Parents never listen to you during fights, no matter how old you are, so this wasn't a very productive discussion. I cried, which only made my dad angrier and I left their house feeling even worse than before. I have no solution to my problem. I still don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. I'm applying for jobs, I'm volunteering and trying out new things. I'm trying, but it sucks when no one sees that. People only want the results, don't care how much you're struggling if they don't see the results. 

As you can see, I've had a hard week. You would nothing worst could have happened, right?! But, of course, the universe has a funny way of kicking you when you're down. Apparently, IG started suggesting my blog account to a lot of people that know me in real life. People who went to high school with me started following me, watching my IG stories and gossiping about my blog in their whataspp group. And how do I know that you ask? A friend of mine happened to be in one of those groups and she sent me screenshot. Cherry on the top, right?!

I knew that people finding out about the blog would happen eventually. And that a good sign, it means that my account is growing and that my blog is also growing. It just happened in a week that I could not take anything else. I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm discouraged and I didn't need to see people making fun of something I've worked so hard on, you know? My blog and my content are personal to me, if you make fun of them, you're making fun of me. Everything I write and all the stuff I share over here is the truth and it means something to me. 

Anyway, I'm sorry if I was a Debby Downer today. I always try to be positive and uplifting here on the blog. I want this to be a place where you can come and be happy and get excited about life, but, unfortunately, this is not how I'm feeling today. This is just what's going on in my life and I felt like a life update was a bit overdue here on the blog. I really hope things get better. I need them to. I know that a bad day or a bad week does not equal a bad life. I know we all have problems and I know that I'm lucky to have unemployment and my parents nagging me as my worst problem at the moment, but it's hard. If you're going through something like this, you're not alone. I truly believe that things have a way of working themselves out, so I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing, applying for jobs and just hope for the best. 

What's going on with you?
Do you have anything exciting happening soon?
I need some good news, guys!

Let's hang some more!

Thanks so much for reading and come back soon!

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